Being a Good Listener
Dear Friends,
I had a delicious experience last night that I thought you would appreciate. I had two whole hours in the car with my 18 year old, Henry. Now, I laugh as I write this because 10 years ago riding in the car for even 10 minutes with said Henry (especially when with their brother Jude) would often reduce me to tears. The poopy talk, the ear shattering, earworm-causing music requests (from Enter Sandman to Nelly the Elephant), the need to stop and pee always while on the highway between exits. Anyway, I know you know. And I also know you know how precious one-to-one alone time can be. When we got home, Henry expressed their surprised delight to my wife, "Bebe (that's what they call Becky), Mum did a great job of being a passenger AND being a good listener!" I patted myself on the back and blew smugly on my fingertips, while innerly feeling actual beaming pride in myself. It was TRUE! I had dug deep and practiced curiosity. As progressive educator Alfie Kohn famously said, "In outstanding classrooms, teachers do more listening than talking, and students do more talking than listening. Terrific teachers often have teeth marks on their tongues." After our drive, my tongue was practically severed! Along Route 2, passing through the windy darkness, Henry shared some lovely insights about friendship, politics, love, while I did my best to offer as little advice as possible.
With Winter Break on the horizon, I know we will all be spending some voluntary and involuntary, pleasurable and tortuous, "quality time" with our families, many of us with our children. I am praying for us all. My holiday gift to you is some advice (hehe, I've been holding it in too long!). Not advice I invented, mind you. I thought I'd humbly offer you advice from some experts.
How to Really Listen to Your Child
Wishing you all a joyful and restorative returning of the light.
Peace on Earth,
Charlie
Charlie Spencer, Head of School